What is love?

Everybody wants to love and to be loved. The whole of human behavior and existence has risen up around this simple premise. But before we can discuss love, we have to answer the basic question What is love?

You might fondly recall your first infatuation with a movie star, the local sports hero, a supermodel, a cheerleader, or the neighborhood hunk. You learned to cherish from afar. You adored those qualities that delighted your imagination and sparked your desire: slender or muscular, blonde or brunette, heroic or sensitive, comical or serious. You dreamt that he or she was your lover, imagining magical first encounters and intimate moments. Such thoughts swept you off your feet in those formative years. It might’ve been a wonderful feeling, but it wasn’t love. It was infatuation.

As you grew, you began to sense the existence of a more physical form of passion. Think about your first passionate kiss and the excitement you felt when a lover held you close. Those shivers of arousal may have been incredible, but again, that wasn’t love. Those were feelings of lust.

If things got serious, you might’ve wondered how you ever lived before this person entered your life, and you probably believed that you could never be happy without him or her. This sensation has inspired poets, started wars, and built empires. But this isn’t love either. It’s dependency.

You may also have experienced a sense of pride at being seen with your love, and an instant dislike for anyone who could possibly come between you. That’s possessiveness, which rarely exists alone- jealousy, the destructive stepchild of possessiveness, accompanies it wherever it appears.

There’s nothing wrong with infatuation, lust or even, at times, a modicum of dependency and possessiveness. In fact, these are all components of virtually every relationship, their importance shifting from time to time when two people are together long enough. They shouldn’t, however, be mistaken for love.

So what is love? Love is a commitment you make to trust, respect, admire, and care for youself or another person. This commitment can be the result of a conscious decision or of a subconscious act, but it’s a commitment nonetheless. This may not sound particularly romantic at first, but it is. Love’s power is greater than any individual, yet it exists within all of us. Real love begins when you first recognize your own worth. It grows when you realize you’ve got something to give. It fortifies itself when you find someone with whom you wish to share your love. And finally, it blossoms when someone loves you in return.

However, love isn’t always forever. It’s a commitment, and “commitment” is just another word for choice. Precious few people make a choice and stick to it without question for life. We have enough trouble committing to what we want on our pizza. We need to realize from the start that even if a relationship lasts the rest of our lives, we’ll find ourselves making the choice to maintain the union over and over again. And any relationship can crash to an abrupt end if, just one time, you (or the other person) waver in your commitment. To endure, even true love requires true effort.